Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy

I know I need to post some family updates, but I just had to share this tonight. How many of you are fans of "Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy"? It's an old SNL thing. Anyway, my crazy brother, Tyler, sent me these, and I just couldn't resist posting them! Some of you won't appreciate them, like my husband. I guess this is just the kind of humor I grew up with. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

Deep Thoughts, By Jack Handy

* The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, "Hey, I'm Vine Man."

* It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

* One good thing about hell, at least, is that you can pee wherever you want to.

* If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening, I bet you would get booed right off the stage. They're just not ready.

* As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.

* I'm not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why? It would take about a billion ants just to AIM a gun at me, let alone fire it. And you know what I'm doing while they're aiming it at me? I just sort of slip off to the side, and then suddenly run up and kick the gun out of their hands.

* During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."

* If they ever have a haunted house for dogs, I think a good display would be a bathtub full of soapy water.